Your Song: Moves Like Jagger aka Channeling Your Inner Rock Star

I’ve seen The Rolling Stones live. It isn’t a concert, it’s an event–like watching the history of rock and roll unfold right before your eyes. I’ve seen Mick Jagger’s moves, but only the on-stage kind. So when I first heard Maroon 5′s Moves Like Jagger, I was really puzzled, because I was wondering how Mick’s dancing moves were going to help the guy in the song get the girl. Then I GOT IT. Really. GOT. IT.  It’s all about the way Mick Jagger can walk into a room and OWN IT. That’s very powerful stuff. Mick’s got swagger, Adam Levine is channeling it, and Christina can’t resist it. While I can’t condone anyone being anything other than their most authentic self anytime (especially in the pursuit of romance), there’s something to be said for noticing who and what you’re drawn to, and then putting your own spin on it. If you find yourself wanting moves like Jagger, or a gypsy soul like Stevie Nicks (because really, who doesn’t want to twirl around in a flowy skirt?), or a hard-core A.B.A.-attitude like Kid Rock, you can have it without ever getting a record deal of your own. Here’s how. Ask yourself these questions:

1) What performer(s) are you drawn to?

2) What qualities do you admire about him/her?

3) How does it make you FEEL?

4) How can you incorporate more {insert FEELINGS here} into your life?

5) Start doing those things RIGHT NOW.

Try it out, then call me up this Thursday, December 1 at 10 AM Pacific/12 PM Central/1 PM Eastern and tell me all about it. Details here.

Bon Jovi: The Soundtrack of My Life

It’s on! I’m fully outing myself today: I am a Bon Jovi fanatic. (Ok, maybe that won’t come as a surprise to some  most of you). This post will be best read with the volume on your speakers cranked. I’ll wait here while you take care of that.

For me, it all started with  skin-tight purple leather pants and bigger-than-life hair in Runaway. I was a small town teenager who’d never seen anything like that–or HIM– before. It didn’t matter what Jon Bon Jovi was singing, I was mesmerized. I was young, carefree, and Wild in the Streets. Flash forward to 1992: I was a graduate student working with a profoundly hearing impaired toddler who had just received a cochlear implant, allowing her to hear sound for the first time in her tiny life. I introduced her to music by playing Bed of Roses and watched in amazement as her little body rocked from side to side. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen.  Then Jon Bon Jovi did the unthinkable: he cut his hair and traded in his spandex for flannel, putting the final nail in the coffin of Hair Bands while Grunge ruled the music scene.  Even Something For the Pain couldn’t sway me. I packed away my Tico Torres drumstick and Slippery When Wet guitar pick and “grew up”–getting married, going to work, and starting a family.

It’s funny how the things you dream about having aren’t always such a dream once you have them. I was a worn-out  and worn-down soul when I returned to work after having my second child. She had been born with a life-threatening condition that required surgery when she was three months old, and I had a toddler to boot.  The only Bon Jovi I was singing was my lullaby version of Born To Be My Baby as in “You were born to be my baby and I was made to be your mom.” It’s amazing what you do when you’re sleep-deprived and trying to make sense of why your baby has to struggle with every breath she takes.  While I was on leave, a new employee had been hired at the university lab I worked in. I was relieved to find out she was also a mom, someone who would understand what I was going through. Every morning I watched her come in, sit down at her computer and play the song that started her day: It’s My Life. She would sing and rock out–smiling from ear-to-ear the whole time– and I couldn’t help but join in. It became our morning ritual and my personal anthem. Heather, Jon, Richie, Tico, and David reminded me of all the FUN that was still there waiting for me–patiently. Heather and I became instant friends and partners in Bon Jovi-related crime. One day I casually mentioned to her that if Bon Jovi ever went on tour again, I’d go with her because I had never seen them live. Little did I know that one seemingly innocent comment would change my life so completely. Truth-be-told, it ROCKED it. Hard core.

I had been to my fair share of concerts (Rolling Stones, Metallica, Motley Crue, and some I’d rather not mention) but I had never ever seen or FELT anything like I did during my first Bon Jovi concert. We were in the nosebleed section in the back of the stadium and yet somehow Jon Bon Jovi managed to reach right out to me and pull me in. (I have since come to learn that he is THE master at the art of seducing a sold-out arena). I knew every word of every song and it reminded me that the good times hadn’t died–they’d just been dormant and were getting an ear-piercing wake-up call. I was up on my feet and dancing right along with him for the entire three hours. (It’s where Heather would tell you that I first perfected my “shoulder shimmy.” ) Whatever it was that I felt at the concert, I knew I wanted more of it. Luckily for me, they added another concert stop in my hometown a few months later and I landed seats right next to the stage.  O-M-G–Let me just say that when you are able to make eye contact with Jon (and Richie) it is like (as my friend Sarah puts it) “snorting rocket fuel.” And bless me father for I have sinned but it’s better than church! I would love to show you shots I tried to film while I was under the influence of Bon Jovi, but unfortunately they are sideways and there is a lot of screaming HOLLARING (mostly mine) in the background.  I am also being reminded to mention that before I embarrass every single member of my family (who will tell me about it later), this isn’t a throw-your-panties-on-the-stage mid-life crisis you are witnessing (although if that floats your boat, I’m not stoppin’ you). Rather, it’s an AWAKENING: I reconnected with the core of who I am and what makes me happy. That, to me, my friends, is the meaning of life. At least my life. And It’s My Life, or hadn’t you heard? Are you ready to snort some rocket fuel? Click here.

I could end the story there on a high note but I won’t. It would be like only telling half the story. What happened next was even bigger and better. Over the course of the next 10 years, Heather and I rocked just about every Bon Jovi concert within a 100-mile radius of home (with the exception of a few that neither of us wants to be reminded that we missed). During those 10 years, both of us had more ups and downs in our lives than a Six Flags rollercoaster. What held me up when I didn’t think I could stand any more were Bon Jovi songs, especially the newer releases from Have A Nice Day, Lost Highway, and The Circle. Somewhere along the road Jon and Richie grew up too, and started writing songs that reflect problems that all of us can relate to: daily life struggles, failed relationships, losing a loved one, and coming home to yourself. I refer to it as “Zen Jovi.” They were like my personal life coaches during a very tumultuous time in my life and if I ever had the opportunity to meet them (and I was able to speak), I’d say “thank you.” I also owe a big debt of thanks to my fabulous, fist-pumping friend Heather, who opened the doors for me–actually blew them wide open–that allowed me to open my heart up to a whole lot more living.

Now it’s my time to pay it forward. My mission is to make life coaching feel like a Bon Jovi concert. I promise I won’t sing to you, but I will help you tune in to the songs that are playing in your heart. Just as my life has gone through a major transformation, so is my coaching business. My new motto: Change your tune, rock your life. If your “rock” looks more like Martina McBride/Lady Gaga/Jay-Z/Sevendust/Insert-your-favorite-here than Bon Jovi, bring it! I’m ready for you! Oh, and I’ve thrown out all the rules, except one. Find out about it here:

*PS–If you didn’t get enough Bon Jovi here, please join me and fellow Martha Beck-certified coach Sarah Bamford Seidelmann (code name: Rocket Fuel) to talk about all things life, love, and Bon Jovi Thursday, May 19 at 10 AM Pacific, 12 PM Central and 1 Eastern at www.blogtalkradio.com/yoursong

Your Song: “Till the World Ends”

A bright, talented client came to me very unhappy with the state of her life. She told me that she’s given up on many of her dreams in order to live a practical, play-it-safe, comfortable life (her words, not mine). The problem is, she is anything BUT comfortable in her life as it is. She dreams of creating beauty in her work, traveling to exotic places, schedule-free days, and time spent with family and friends. Her reality (as she sees it) consists of a job that she finds less-than-fulfilling, days spent running from obligation to obligation, and a body that is hurting and tired.

I ask her to join me on a “mental vacation” and lead her through an ideal day five years from now. As we walk through her day, I can’t help but notice how many times she uses the word “fun” in her descriptions.  If she says it once, she says it at least a dozen times. Her face brightens into a smile at the thought of what fun means to her. Her body relaxes and the tears begin to fall.  She has found peace, without ever having left the room. When I mention the numerous times I heard her use the word “fun,” she is surprised and caught off-guard. We talk about ways to make room for more fun in her life and for the first time in a long time, her thoughts and her life are filled with possibility again.

Fast-forward to this morning as I’m watching Britney Spears perform on Good Morning America live in San Francisco. I see shots of the Bay, cable cars, and a crowd eager for Britney’s performance. It feels like a whole lotta fun to me and I don’t even have to leave my living room to join the party. She starts singing about dancing till the world ends and it hits me–that’s what it’s all about: whatever your “fun” is–just keep following it–even if it doesn’t seem practical–ESPECIALLY if it doesn’t seem practical–and you’ll be dancing your way towards your best life.

Your Song: “This”–Wrong Turns Are Right

If you were to tell your life story backwards from any one of your best moments, chances are you would end up at one of your worst. So, if today you find yourself in the midst of a crisis of some sort, rest assured that one day you’ll understand why this is happening to you. That’s how life thumbs its nose at you–letting you know that you are NOT in control like you might want to be and allowing for something greater to come your way. This is a far cry from “things happen for a reason.” I actually strongly dislike that quote. I don’t believe that people should have to die, get sick, lose their jobs, or have their hearts broken in order to “learn a lesson.” I do believe, though, that you absolutely have a CHOICE in what you do if you find yourself in any of those situations: you can learn from them and grow or you can stay stuck in the pain.  Which one sounds like more fun?

It’s actually all the wrong turns, missteps, heartbreaks, and catastrophes that lead you to your best life. Really. Truly. Been there. Done that, and expect I will be doing it again soon. I’ve learned that having one tragedy in your life does not exempt you from others. Life will keep coming at you, ready or not. It’s what you do with your thoughts and how you tell your story that will make all the difference in the world. Just ask Darius Rucker. He already knows this too.

Your Song: “Hold My Hand”–Hootie and the Wave Pool

This weekend I was swimming in a sea of humanity–literally—in a giant indoor wave pool at a water park packed with people of all ages and backgrounds. There was an excitement and intensity in the air as the waves started, sending people and tubes crashing into each other. In the midst of all the activity, the waves suddenly halted. What happened next simply amazed me: the people in the pool became silent, all eyes focused on what was happening. There weren’t any complaints from anyone within earshot of me. No “What’s going on?” “Can’t they hurry up?” or “Come on!” There was no sound at all. It was eerily quiet until the lifeguard retrieved a young boy from the pool and then people started clapping and cheering. It felt like a giant wave of relief.  Here, in that moment, total strangers came together for the collective concern of another total stranger. It was a beautiful thing to witness.

As I sat there in my tube waiting for the waves to start again, my ears caught the sounds of the oldie-but-goody “Hold My Hand,” by Hootie and the Blowfish, playing over the sound system. It was a moment of perfect synchronicity that made me realize how at one time or another in our lives we all have to be rescued from drowning–in our personal fears and perceived failures. Imagine how you would feel, how your life might be different if you absolutely knew with 100% certainty that in a moment of “drowning,”  someone, even a complete stranger, would offer you their hand in support, with a mass of people cheering you on. What would you accomplish? What would you be willing to risk, knowing that you are supported and loved? How would you feel if  the person who could rescue you was YOU? Yes, YOU! You have absolute power to change your thoughts, overcome your fears, and see your failures as growth opportunities . As your life coach, I can show you how. All you have to do is reach out your hand.

Your Song: “Seasons of Love”

Inspired by life coach extraordinaire Susan Hyatt’s blog post, and my all-time favorite Martha Beck quote: “Always choose love over fear,” I am going to focus on LOVE for the next 100 days–welcome to my “100 Days of Love–The World Tour.” Love takes on many shapes and forms. It’s been the inspiration for movies, songs, and people’s lives. I’m excited to see where this journey will take us.

Day 1 starts off with the song “Seasons of Love” from the musical Rent, asking the question, “How do you measure a year in the life of friends?” You measure in love. I am reminded of my friend of 20-years, Meghan, who died after a courageous six-year battle with breast cancer this past October. I could write about her illness, but I wouldn’t be doing my friend any justice. Instead, I’m choosing to focus on the great love she had and shared with the world. If I measured her life in love instead of years, she would have lived forever. Meghan was a speech-language pathologist who worked with infants and toddlers with disabilities, and their families. She gave selflessly to the families, just as she did for her own family and friends. Meghan was light and love and grace personified and one of the greatest souls I ever knew. She was also funny, daring, and extremely brave.

At her funeral I thought about the legacy she left behind and the lives she touched just by being herself and choosing love over fear countless times in her life. The sense of love present in the church was palpable. Meghan made everyone feel loved and it was obvious that everyone loved her right back. Her final words were a message to all of us: “Tell them I love them all.” We knew, Meghan, because you were always there for us, no matter what, whether it was the way you listened patiently, the big and little gestures of kindness you showed, or how you could make us laugh through the tears–and keep on laughing. Even though I miss Meghan every day, the love she shared is always with me. I know because I feel it. I could keep it close to my heart, but instead I’m going to give it away, because that is what she would have done.

If you have your own “Meghan” in your life, someone who is a true friend, take the time right now to thank her (or him) for all the love. You might just be amazed at how much of it will come right back at you.

Let’s get busy! Local workshops in March!

I’m very excited to announce that I’ll be offering three fun, fabulous, life-rockin’  in-person workshops in the greater Madison area. Spend some time on yourself with me one (or all 3) Thursday nights  in March.

March 3, 2011 “She’s Driving Me Crazy! aka How to Manage Difficult People: Are challenging work or personal relationships bringing you down? Learn what the problem really is and move toward a more peaceful life.

March 1o, 2011 “Simplify Your Life:” Are you feeling overwhelmed or stressed out from the time you wake up until you go to sleep? Learn creative ways to make your life more hassle-free and fun!

March 17, 2011″Home Sweet Home:” Discover what your living space is telling you about your life, and how you can improve your life by changing your living space. You’ll learn how to identify areas begging for change and create innovative solutions.

The details:

Fee: $19 each class

Special Bonus: One free 30-minute one-on-one coaching session via phone for attending at least one class

Time: 7-9 PM

Location: Verona Area School District Admininstration Building Conference Room, 700 N. Main Street, Verona

What to Bring: Your sense of humor and an open mind

*Registration is limited. Be sure to register early!

To register, contact Marcia Byrd at 608-845-4306

Your Song: “If You’re Going Through Hell”

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball so hard and fast that you believe you’re exempt from another,  yet there it comes. Sometimes you’re so frustrated/sad/hopeless that you don’t even want to speak of your pain for fear that it will cause another curve ball to be launched right at you. That’s what gets you stuck in your hell. It’s all about fear. Don’t give in to it. Drown out your fears with the message from this song instead.

Your Song: “4 Minutes”

The pressure’s on: I’ve only got four minutes to save the world. A lofty goal? Perhaps. I could leave it up to Madonna and Justin Timberlake. The power of this song lies in these lyrics:

If you want it, you already got it.

If you thought it, it better be what you want.

In order to truly change your world, you have to change your thinking. Negative thoughts float through our minds faster than the scrolling stock exchange ticker tape. Do any of these sound familiar?

I’m stupid.

I’m not good enough.

I’m not rich enough.

I’m not beautiful/sexy/handsome.

I’m not thin enough.

I’m lazy.

I’m boring.

I’m not lovable.

I’m worthless.

Enough already! You are enough, right now, just the way you are. Your brain is constantly trying to find evidence to support these LIES. The truth, in fact, is that YOU HAVE ALL YOU NEED TO BE ALL YOU WANT RIGHT NOW. You are NOT your thoughts. I repeat: you are NOT your thoughts. All you have to do is notice when you’re having these thoughts and learn to turn them around.

I’m smart.

I’m good enough.

I’m rich enough.

I’m beautiful/sexy/handsome.

I’m thin enough.

I’m productive.

I’m fun.

I’m lovable.

I’m priceless.

It might feel strange and a bit “Stuart Smalley”-like to do this, but in the end, you will be doing yourself a huge favor. Picture yourself as a child. Which list of thoughts would you repeat to your more youthful self? Imagine looking yourself in the eyes and sending nothing but love and positive messages. How would your life be different? Whether you like it or not, the messages you’re sending yourself are also being sent out to the Universe for others to pick up on and come like a boomerang right back at you. What messages do you want coming back to you?

Your Song: “Let Love In”

I used to think my life was covered with emotional scars—some deep and others barely skimming the surface. I wore them like honor badges—proof to the world that I was strong enough to endure ANYTHING that came my way: broken promises, shattered dreams, betrayal, and loss. I thought that if I took care of everyone else and became “the rock” it would help heal those scars more quickly. I was so wrong. Instead, as life continued to move along, I found myself unable to go with the flow. In that dark period of stuckness music was my one true friend and I am convinced that John Rzeznik was one of my life coaches. The song “Let Love In” became a personal anthem. Once I learned to open my heart in spite of the pain (and let it go), amazing things started to happen. Along the journey I met the incredible Martha Beck and her tribe of life coaches, who helped me see that those emotional scars/so-called “honor badges” were actually beauty marks—experiences that lead me to the real truth of my life. They didn’t happen to me but for me so that I could learn and grow and become a better version of myself. While I wish I wouldn’t have had to go through the muck, I can now look at it all through a different lens. For me, it all comes right back to the Goo Goo Dolls again, and their song, “Become.” Have you “Become” yet? If not, what are you waiting for?